BIRTHDAYS

It seems like just a few months ago I had a birthday but here it is again. As you get older you would rather ignore the day than blow out the candles. God forbid someone secretly tells the waitress and you are suddenly surrounded by the entire staff of TGI FRIDAYS attempting to sing Happy Birthday which makes me turn sort of a beet red color. Another thing about getting older is I find the women at Circle K and Starbucks have given me irritating names like "hun" and "sweetie." So i always throw one back like "babe" or "honey." That'll show 'em." And then there's that nightmare where I'm on the Today Show and Willard Scott is calling my name and my picture is on the side of a Smucker's jar and they send me a case of 24 jars of strawberry jam. Well at least they believe I'm gonna live through 24 jars.

Paul Wolfe